I saw this coming..

I know this time would come.. the time that the truth will prevail.. and then the untold truth..

I was in the office, accessed WebMessenger and Eng, sent me a message.. She asked me if I heard about the news. She said that Bez and her had a conversation. I know what to expect when Eng initially asked me that question. And I am right. Bez and the father of her child are now okay. Eng said that they met yesterday and after that, everything's alright as if nothing happened. Their issues between themselves have been resolved. I guess that's what love really can do. I know she still loves him. I can feel it. I knew it.

What we had, is just a virtual relationship, a relationship that never really existed. It's a hoax. It's just a dream... and I believed it.. No, I believed her. I trusted her, though I know this would happen. I just felt so bad for myself. I thought I'd be the happiest man in the world. I thought my sacrifices will all be paid for. I thought I'd win the heart of the only person I love. I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her. I thought we'd be happy together. I thought I now have the reason to go back. I thought I have the love of my life. Well.. I guess all these will remain as thoughts. Reality check. Reality check. Reality check. Look at the man in the mirror. Is that the man you think she would spend her life with? Impossible. I never lose hope. I said they're not yet married anyway. Once again, I thought, she would realize that all she's been looking for is all here along.. waiting for his turn. I said, it doesn't matter if I'm not the first. I want to be her last. Impossible. I guess I'm too late. The line is already closed. No more chance passengers. No more..

I still appreciate the thought, that when she needs somebody, I'm the one she'll be looking for. I'm just too blind to see. I'm blinded by this feeling that I've been keeping for 7 years.. and more years to come. I thought I should've moved on. I thought I did. I just looked stupid. I'm still a loser. Time to say good bye to my hopeless dreams. They won't come true. They never will.

I'm happy for her. I'm happy that everything will be alright. I'm happy that her family will be complete. I'm happy that they learned from what happened and I hope that it will never happen again.

I hope, she will inform me that they're okay and she won't give me false hopes. She's my best friend anyway. I will understand.

For the shortest time, I still felt that I was loved.. that my love has been reciprocated. I hope that was real. I don't want to think that my weakness has been taken advantage of. So long.. so long my almost lover..