The Weekend

It was the longest 3 days ever. Saturday night when we left Cebu City. We're bound to Alcoy, Cebu for the celebration of Jay Mark's graduation will be held there. Almost 3 years had passed since my last visit in this place with my college classmates and friends. Now, it's just me and Cristine. Kuya Jayson arrived Sunday dawn with his brother and his girl. I spent the morning helping out in preparing the food to be cooked. I don't know what else I can do.


Monday morning when we left Cebu for our next destination - Bohol. I've never been to Bohol and I'm so glad that I had this chance to visit this province. We went to Panglao and later in the afternoon we went to the so-called Virgin Island using a palm boat. The island is so small, yet so nice. I somehow enjoyed the natural beauty of that place.

But it's not the place that lingers in my mind. I was so pissed off that time. They're still making fun of me. I was so humiliated, big time. And what's worse, I can't defend myself. I so pity myself that time. I understand and I accept the fact that Kuya, my "best friend", loves to bully me. I'm so used to that. I just hate it when everyone joined forces to make me feel that way. I'm so helpless. As much as I would want to enjoy the time and just ride in with their jokes, I just can't. I just felt they've already crossed the limits of my understanding. They're all wrong of what they're thinking about me. And they really enjoyed what they're doing - at my expense. What I'm thinking that time is just to stay grounded, let them do and say what they want. It hurts though. I believe it's a wake up call. Respect is something I just can't earn. I just realized, being good, kind and earning a college degree won't really earn you respect. I don't really look that I'm worth their respect.

Actually, I can take all the pain. I can understand and accept everything Kuya said. What's the use of the almost 6 years of friendship we have if I can't still endure all his banters and ridicules. I just felt bad because he makes me feel that I don't exist and I'm a good for nothing friend. Wala man lang kaming napag-usapang matinong bagay. Para naman talagang hindi kami magkaibigan no'n. I can really feel how distant we are. I'm just disappointed kasi hindi naman yun yung ineexpect ko na treatment na makukuha ko sa kanya. Nung nasa Japan pa sya, he always tell me that he would really want to go back here in Cebu. I really felt that he has grown up. Di pala, or saken lang talagang ganun yun. I do understand na ganun lang talaga saken yun, ilang beses ko ba dapat to sabihin. Pero dati kasi, bumabawi naman sya agad. Pero that time, parang wala lang talaga. Walang pakealamanan. Parang di kami magkakilala. Parang mamansin lang for the sake of just pumansin lang. Naiintindihan ko rin na kahiya-hiya naman talaga akong tao. Ako yung taong di ka talaga magiging proud na naging kaibigan mo. Magkaroon ka ba naman ng kaibigang wala ng itsura, boring pa, nerd, malnourished , mukhang may muscular dystrophy, parang buwan ang face dahil sa pimples, mahaba ang mukha, dugyot at mukhang alanganin... langya naman, yan ba ang kaibigang magiging proud ka kasama. Reality check. Naisip ko lang, tapos na nga pala ang purpose ko. Tapos na school life eh. Yun lang naman naging saysay ko sa mundo para sa mga kaibigan ko. Sana nga no, sa school na lang ako lagi.. para kahit papano naman, may gamit pa rin ako.

Pero ngayon, di ko na iniisip yan. I just felt left out lang that time kaya nakapag-isip ako ng mga ganung bagay. Kung tutuusin, madaming bagay ang mas masarap ireminisce kesa sa mga ganyang hinanakit na kinabukasan rin nama'y mawawala. Naisipan ko lang iblog, just for the sake of venting. After nito, wala na. I don't feel and think that way. Time to move forward.